What am I supposed to do with these?

It's been almost two weeks since I've lost my breasts. Well, "lost" isn't exactly accurate but who has time to dwell on technicalities? So, anyway, it's been two weeks of ups and downs. At my best, I'm running around like a maniac trying to clean the house or go out for an all day shopping trip. At my worst, I decide to lay in bed for hours watching episodes of "Weeds" on Netflix. The bad days aren't TOO bad....


...until I remove my shirt.

On good days I can just blur out the area. You know, like on a "girls gone wild" commercial? Yeah, I can do that on my good days. But the bad days render me not so talented. I remove my shirt and just stare at this skin that's been left...and I always wonder the same thing, "what am I supposed to do with these?" 

 Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful the tumor is gone. It's just...I went in there prepared for a simple mastectomy and came out with a skin sparring one. I grew up with a mother who had mastectomies, I was prepared to look like her. But I don't.... Instead I have two very different pockets of skin left on my chest. One is a flap that just hangs there... The other is kind of suctioned in to look like a bowl. Gross, right? And I have to stare at them for a whole year?!

I feel so....butchered.

Chemo starts either next week or the week after. I know I will make it through all this, but will this spare skin? Even the dr showed concern as to wether it would be usable in a year. I can only wait and see... And hope for the surgeons sake, that he didn't emotionally torture me for nothing. Heh.